That is actually the name of one of the classes I am taking this semester and it is the perfect topic for this blog. I hate the word stress because it is so prevalent in my life so often. I think I am on the right track with balancing out my time for school and work, but for some reason I almost feel as if I have conditioned myself to be stressed out no matter what. I really am the last one that should be stressed out…well at least one of the last ones. I just found out my younger sister is going to need an entirely new car, because hers is so messed up and my mom has been having severe financial problems because of the last recession. I work and go to school and try my best to maintain a normal lifestyle and I suppose I do a relatively good job at it. That is what everyone keeps telling me. I constantly have people tell me they don’t know how I do it and to be frank, I don’t even know how I do it. I am a quarter of a century (25) old right now and as far as I am concerned I should have my undergraduate completed and be attempting to start a family. I don’t want to just so nonchalantly blame my past drug use for everything that I have not acquired or reached in my life yet. I think that my age and where I am bugs me a lot of the time. I try not to dwell on it too often, but sometimes I really can’t help it. It is kind of right in my face, since I just turned 25. Other than that my life is great for the most part. I am still working on focusing on myself and keeping my needs and wants on track. A blog or two ago I referenced how I finally fell I am at the right place for the age I am at and today I realized that I pretty much grew up almost an entire year every semester. I think that would be the best way to describe it. Does that mean that my stress levels increased violently because of how fast I was or still am growing up? Who knows…there are so many more things I learn about the effects of drugs on the brain and body every semester and they are NEVER in my favor. Well I need to do what I do best now: work. Till next time.

It has been a few weeks since I have actually written a blog and I believe that is primarily because it has not been on the fore front of my mind, but I am back on track now and I will be keeping my blogs more consistent. The last time I wrote a blog I wrote about moving into my new apartment and how excited I was about it. Well this past Saturday was the first time I actually had the chance to fully enjoy it. I went to the gym, bought some healthy groceries and vitamins, watched a movie, and studied all day. It was very nice actually being able to hang out in my own apartment for the first time. I really have not had the opportunity to enjoy it since I moved in, because I went to California for a week and I also happen to work a lot and school just started. I know that everyone is officially in school right now and I am super excited. I am only taking 14 credits this semester and two of them are for a research lab I am taking part in. The research lab is focused on bullying and I thought that would be perfect to really understand the effects bullying has on an individual, especially during the ages where the brain is developing the most. I am in a physiological psychology class this semester too and it is going to be an extremely challenging class, although it is so interesting to me. Physiological psychology is the study of the body in relation to brain and all the chemicals and molecules and what their purpose is. That is the best and easiest way I can describe that class for you. So basically I am taking a few hard classes but after this semester I will have one more semester left until I graduate with my bachelors. That is a huge accomplishment and it is amazing to think that I have come this far, especially because of all the bad decisions I have made in the past. I have a friend who was a heroin addict for 13 years and still manages to retain a vast amount of knowledge and it increases my interest and thirst for knowledge as to how that is possible and why we were chosen to live and not die in our addictions. Anyone who is living a sober lifestyle after the extensive use of drugs is considered a minority and should be extremely fortunate. I know I am. I still don’t understand it and there is a large possibility I never will. Well until next time friends!!

So I just got my first apartment last week. I move in next month and I am super stoked. Funny thing is that this year has been the most challenging and somewhat perplexing year I have ever encountered, yet at the same time it is the year in which I have had the most growth. I have become more of an adult this year then ever before. I pretty much paid off my first new car, I am a senior in college on my way to finishing my undergraduate, I have gained many new and true friends, and I just got my first apartment. This shows to me that I am not reliving anymore ages, I am just growing and maturing now. Today (July 14) is my 4 years of being clean off of meth. There was a time in recovery in which I had to relearn how to be 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, and 21 all over again, because I spent my time in those years getting high and ceasing the expansion of my knowledge and expertise in everything and anything, except for drug use and committing felonies. I finally think that I am done reliving all of those torturous years and now I get to simply live life on life terms. I have seen and been through a lot this year and it has definitely left its impact on me. Although at the same time I know that I can accomplish anything I put my mind to and I am in the process of proving that to myself right now. I would have never thought that I would have made it as far as I have and to be totally honest I am proud of myself. I know everyone who is anything in my life today is proud of me too, but what is most important is the fact that I don’t need anyone to be proud of me today, because I am what matters most. I used to focus and thrive off of the attention I received from others for my past and for my accomplishments. Don’t get me wrong I still enjoy to acknowledgements greatly and don’t deny basking in the attention, but I can honestly say that I don’t need it the way I once felt I did. Again I can’t stress enough how important it is to believe in yourself and to love yourself above and beyond anyone or anything else. Nothing runs my life except for me. I am a free spirit today and I owe nothing to anyone except for myself. Today is a great day because I choose it to be that way. I hope whoever has that opportunity of reading this has a marvelous day as well. PEACE